- Grieve and vent as much as you need to, but then take the time to learn from what you have been through. The divorce involves two people, so it is important to honestly appraise your role in the break-up; rather than solely and narrow-mindedly blaming your spouse. The more you explore the reasons and issues that compromised your marriage, the more you will learn about yourself. The insights that you gain should pay huge dividends as you go forward in your life.
- Reach out to trusted friends and loved ones. These are the ones who will sustain you through this tough time. However, make sure to treat these relationships with care. These people are not obligated to be there for you. They want to be there for you. Show your appreciation by paying close attention to their needs as well, and do not take advantage.Your loved ones will readily show their support if you are considerate of their feelings and schedules. Make sure to ask regularly about what’s going on with them! While no one expects you to put on a “happy face” during this time, be careful of being so negative that your loved ones dread your call.
- Focus on your children’s needs as much as your own. They did not ask to have their lives turned upside down. Be sensitive to the impact that the divorce will have on their lives. Even though you are in tremendous pain, do your best to maintain the continuity and structure of your children’s routines. We understand that you will need to vent and cry. Try to do your grieving when the kids are not with you, so that you can be as emotionally available to them as you can.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Divorce can be scary
Going through a divorce is probably one of the most gut-wrenching experiences a person can go through. One of the hardest realizations that divorcing people have is accepting that the person they once shared their hopes and dreams with has now become an adversary. The manner in which both parties confront their differences greatly impacts the intensity of their adjustment and the difficulties they will face going forward. This article has been designed to highlight important steps you can take to make a significant difference in your adjustment to your divorce.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
DIVORCE RATE IN AMERICA 2010
Age at marriage for those who divorce in America According to DivorceRate.org
Age Women /Men
Under 20 years old 27.6% 11.7%
20 to 24 years old 36.6% 38.8%
25 to 29 years old 16.4% 22.3%
30 to 34 years old 8.5% 11.6%
35 to 39 years old 5.1% 6.5%
The following statement about the divorce rates in America reveals all the details about distribution. According to enrichment journal on the divorce rates in America, the divorce rate in America for first marriage is 41%; the divorce rate in America for second marriage is 60%; the divorce rate in America for third marriage is 73%. According to discovery channel, couples with children have a slightly lower rate of divorce than childless couples. Sociologists believe that childlessness is also a common cause of divorce. The absence of children leads to loneliness and weariness and even in the United States; at least 66 per cent of all divorced couples are childless. According to some experts, however, divorce rates tend to go down primarily because more couples live together without marrying. Other researchers have documented what they call “the divorce divide,” contending that divorce rates are indeed falling substantively among college-educated couples but not among less-affluent, less-educated couples.
The divorce rate in America is more than 50%, which means one in two couples will break up. Why it is so high. What is the real reason for them to divorce? I think we should look for the answer from the American belief. Freedom is one of the most important beliefs for America and nothing can replace it besides love. When they married, they don’t run for long love. If they think the love and family can’t offer their happiness and safety, they would choose to divorce. They wouldn’t think more about the family or the children because they take themselves as the center. That means they love freedom not stability. Their dreams are running for their own blessedness.
As the divorce rates in America rises, bad effects do happen on the children who are use to growing up with both parents. When both parents raise a child, the child is learning different things from each parent. The child is also developing its own personality by getting traits from each parent. When divorce leads one parent to leave the household, it has a huge effect on the children. Both parents need to continue to play an important role in the child’s life. When a parent leaves the household, this can make the child withdraw and feel unwanted. It can affect their schoolwork, social skills, and their activities. They may act out in different ways, to show you they are not happy with this change in their life. It may also affect the child when the child becomes an adult. When the child becomes a parent, they may think it is not important for their child to have both parents involved in their life.
QUOTED FROM LINK BELOW
(http://marriage101.org/divorce-rates-in-america/)
Age Women /Men
Under 20 years old 27.6% 11.7%
20 to 24 years old 36.6% 38.8%
25 to 29 years old 16.4% 22.3%
30 to 34 years old 8.5% 11.6%
35 to 39 years old 5.1% 6.5%
The following statement about the divorce rates in America reveals all the details about distribution. According to enrichment journal on the divorce rates in America, the divorce rate in America for first marriage is 41%; the divorce rate in America for second marriage is 60%; the divorce rate in America for third marriage is 73%. According to discovery channel, couples with children have a slightly lower rate of divorce than childless couples. Sociologists believe that childlessness is also a common cause of divorce. The absence of children leads to loneliness and weariness and even in the United States; at least 66 per cent of all divorced couples are childless. According to some experts, however, divorce rates tend to go down primarily because more couples live together without marrying. Other researchers have documented what they call “the divorce divide,” contending that divorce rates are indeed falling substantively among college-educated couples but not among less-affluent, less-educated couples.
The divorce rate in America is more than 50%, which means one in two couples will break up. Why it is so high. What is the real reason for them to divorce? I think we should look for the answer from the American belief. Freedom is one of the most important beliefs for America and nothing can replace it besides love. When they married, they don’t run for long love. If they think the love and family can’t offer their happiness and safety, they would choose to divorce. They wouldn’t think more about the family or the children because they take themselves as the center. That means they love freedom not stability. Their dreams are running for their own blessedness.
As the divorce rates in America rises, bad effects do happen on the children who are use to growing up with both parents. When both parents raise a child, the child is learning different things from each parent. The child is also developing its own personality by getting traits from each parent. When divorce leads one parent to leave the household, it has a huge effect on the children. Both parents need to continue to play an important role in the child’s life. When a parent leaves the household, this can make the child withdraw and feel unwanted. It can affect their schoolwork, social skills, and their activities. They may act out in different ways, to show you they are not happy with this change in their life. It may also affect the child when the child becomes an adult. When the child becomes a parent, they may think it is not important for their child to have both parents involved in their life.
QUOTED FROM LINK BELOW
(http://marriage101.org/divorce-rates-in-america/)
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Is marriage passe? After all, over sixty percent of them in the United States alone end in divorce?
I think not. Despite the discouraging statistics in these modern times, couples continue to marry and remarry, trying again and again to get it right. But what goes wrong?
It seems there has been an evolution in marriage that has taken place and most people don't have a clue that it has happened. They are busy trying to carry on in their daily lives in this ever changing world and when the world crashes down around them they fall apart .
We have moved from a time when marriage was important just for our sheer survival and from there we moved into marriages of convenience.These were arranged marriages, from the poorest of society to the highest bred. Now we marry for dare i say it love . How do we get divorce to cease from happening when we know we want marriage? We must. Remember, we keep trying for the brass ring of marriage over and over but why ? I cannot tell you how many times in my practice I have heard the romance went out of my marriage. It is the ecstatic "high" you feel when you first fall in love dare I say it sex or the euphoria feeling ?
There are Three stages to a marriage.
Stage one is what I called the fantasy stage. This stage goes something like this: "Oh, we have found each other and it is so grand, so ecstatic! We can live together forever as one. Whatever happens, we can handle it, together."
Stage two of a marriage is what I call the counter dependent stage. This is the stage where suddenly you cannot tolerate the way he squeezes the toothpaste in the middle of the tube, or burps when he pushes his chair away from the table (signaling his meal is finished and you get the honor of cleaning up after him). Or, he cannot believe this shrew yelling at him as he walks away is the same sweet little thing who just a few months prior couldn't wait to show him what a great cook, wife, and everything else he ever wanted her to be. She doesn't even come close to offering to rub his back every night anymore!
God, she's just like my mother or Father I cant stand being around him sometimes ," I hear. "I swore I did everything I could to avoid getting hooked up with one like that.
Stage Three here is where marriage counselling, if it is to take place, will show solid success. Here is where compromise and negotiation take place . This is the stage you unwittingly got married for in the first place. Is it worth all the effort of having to work through the other stages? You bet. Here is the stage of autonomy, of independence. Most marriages end in stage two.
Commitment is the ONLY WAY you can move to stage three . Most couples these days never reach stage three they get divorced or separate in stage two sadly to say and then they try again with some one else .Want most people don't understand is that you will go through the same stages with the next person all your doing is trading in one model for the next . It could be a better model or it could be worse unfortunately most people tend to look at the same model in a different package.
I think not. Despite the discouraging statistics in these modern times, couples continue to marry and remarry, trying again and again to get it right. But what goes wrong?
It seems there has been an evolution in marriage that has taken place and most people don't have a clue that it has happened. They are busy trying to carry on in their daily lives in this ever changing world and when the world crashes down around them they fall apart .
We have moved from a time when marriage was important just for our sheer survival and from there we moved into marriages of convenience.These were arranged marriages, from the poorest of society to the highest bred. Now we marry for dare i say it love . How do we get divorce to cease from happening when we know we want marriage? We must. Remember, we keep trying for the brass ring of marriage over and over but why ? I cannot tell you how many times in my practice I have heard the romance went out of my marriage. It is the ecstatic "high" you feel when you first fall in love dare I say it sex or the euphoria feeling ?
There are Three stages to a marriage.
Stage one is what I called the fantasy stage. This stage goes something like this: "Oh, we have found each other and it is so grand, so ecstatic! We can live together forever as one. Whatever happens, we can handle it, together."
Stage two of a marriage is what I call the counter dependent stage. This is the stage where suddenly you cannot tolerate the way he squeezes the toothpaste in the middle of the tube, or burps when he pushes his chair away from the table (signaling his meal is finished and you get the honor of cleaning up after him). Or, he cannot believe this shrew yelling at him as he walks away is the same sweet little thing who just a few months prior couldn't wait to show him what a great cook, wife, and everything else he ever wanted her to be. She doesn't even come close to offering to rub his back every night anymore!
God, she's just like my mother or Father I cant stand being around him sometimes ," I hear. "I swore I did everything I could to avoid getting hooked up with one like that.
Stage Three here is where marriage counselling, if it is to take place, will show solid success. Here is where compromise and negotiation take place . This is the stage you unwittingly got married for in the first place. Is it worth all the effort of having to work through the other stages? You bet. Here is the stage of autonomy, of independence. Most marriages end in stage two.
Commitment is the ONLY WAY you can move to stage three . Most couples these days never reach stage three they get divorced or separate in stage two sadly to say and then they try again with some one else .Want most people don't understand is that you will go through the same stages with the next person all your doing is trading in one model for the next . It could be a better model or it could be worse unfortunately most people tend to look at the same model in a different package.
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